For a long time, I suffered. I bent and twisted, chastening myself and hoping for saving. I suffered from money, I suffered in love, and I suffered in my suffering. If this sounds miserable, it wasn’t. I mean, I didn’t enjoy it necessarily, and there were days that I rued my own suffering, for sure. But it was all learning that I was aware I was going through. When it was time to stop suffering, I stopped, and now I’m here.
Some people suffer because they don’t understand personal engagement. They feel as if they need to toil in their self-connectedness and struggle in order to name their engagements. They don’t. If you feel like you must suffer to understand personal engagement, you are engaged in suffering. Jiddu Krishnamurti taught, “Pain itself destroys pain. Suffering itself frees man from suffering.” Your suffering will connect you deeper within yourself. If you simply extinguish it and try to walk away from it, you’re denying your opportunity to become more deeply engaged in Heartspace.
This is one of the subtle lessons about Heartspace that many people who are concerned about self-growth may not quickly understand: Heartspace will not alleviate all your sorrows and take away all your pains. Becoming personally engaged within yourself and living through Heartspace intentionally is not the road to happiness, per se, and is not intended to be.
Instead, Heartspace is simply a road to walk inwards towards who you truly are, and outwardly towards the world in all its inexhaustible forms. The truth of you is at the center of you right here and now. In all our suffering, joy, pain, learning, examination, and revealing, Heartspace holds the truth above all, always in all ways. It doesn’t require days of meditation, months of self-flagellation, or lifetimes of suffering in order to name, either. Acknowledging the things within us and outside us that we are sustainably connected to, finding the pathways we share with people and places and ideas and spaces throughout our lives, this is the work of Heartspace.
Living in Heartspace does not particularly involve clearing the mind of inconvenient thinking, making new neural synapses fire, or altering your interior universe. It does not equate to doing service projects or dancing salsa or building a treehouse. If these are the things within you or outside that you’re engaged in and you want to strengthen those engagements, awesome! Do them. But don’t expect Heartspace to lead you to them. Don’t expect Heartspace to lead you anywhere.
A Zen saying attests to the significance of this ideal: “In walking, just walk. In sitting, just sit. Above all, don’t wobble.” Heartspace calls for you to be who you truly are, and to be more of you. Discover that person, uncover that person, and recover that person, because that person is YOU, who you really are.
I was really in a space to suffer for a long time, and I did it rather successfully, thanks for asking! Now I am done with that, and I’m moving along. I am not trying to force, move, shift, or otherwise change anything. Instead, I’m slowly going through the process of uncovering my personal engagements more and more throughout my life. I’m naming the things, people, places, and ideas I have connected to, identifying whether those were sustained, and looking across my years to see who I share/d those connections with. That is my work in Heartspace, and the journey I am sharing with you through this work. What does your work in Heartspace look like?