Nighttime Sailor

Its not true to say
I don’t miss you
Like the ocean
misses the rain

Everywhere I saw
absence, seemingly into infinity
Despite knowing
you’re everywhere

Beaches don’t scream
when waves leave
Tide pools are enriched by creatures that die within
Have you died within me?

Loosened knots from calloused wrists
I dreamed I shook free
Again and again
until I had

Driftwood, dead in the water
Struck alee
Kedge anchor to spin around
I got dizzy

Like the Puget Sound
blackened from oxygen deprivation
Deep autumn rains seemed close
In spite of July heat

There were no mountains
in those straights though
The horizon was plain and clear
I knew where I must go

I don’t feel your hands
close unto mine
I can’t feel your heart
beat next to mine
Your words don’t relax for sleep
on a pillow next to mine
And now, again,
I’m alone without you

Northbound goes the moon
into the black sky
I trace its path
Looking for you in it too

Through the dark night
Souls clamored for attention
My soul clambered from the below deck
As thunder cracked in the distance

Haunted by dark angels
Their lovely songs called me to the walls
I tied myself in wire, lashing myself to the mast
But their wails, I knew that song

“Come and we can be
free for all to see
We’re bound only temporarily
Let go and now believe…”

Into the darkness I sailed.
The up-and-down of the anchor chain
was your slack, not mine
Onward. I am a captain, not a cabin boy

It is not true anymore
Our colors do not bleed together
Drifting further into sea
The moon sank beneath the horizon

Past the narrows
Into the jet stream
I stand on the weatherside
staring into the sunrise

Absolute bearing is mine.